Hardship & Blessing: An Open Letter to Worried Moms & Dads
After months of excited anticipation, the last thing you want is a complicated delivery. The turmoil that comes with a difficult birth may even be intensified by fears for your baby’s safety. I won’t tell you to stay positive or something equally obnoxious – I know first hand that little can be said to alleviate such heartache. I do, however, ask you to hope. Hope and know that there is beauty to be found, even in the ugliest of circumstances.
At 35 weeks pregnant, my husband and I received devastating news that our baby was extremely growth restricted and would probably not survive much longer in the womb. On top of our worries for her long-term health, I was crushed that my oh-so crunchy natural birth plan was out the window. Terrifying phrases like "life expectancy", “c-section” and “pitocin” were thrown around. These were for other people, never for me. I worked too hard, ate too well, and researched too much for this to be my reality. But there we were, days away from a c-section, with a baby who’s viability was uncertain.
Dazed and confused, I instinctively clung to what I knew might help: clary sage, curb-walking, side-lying, tea-drinking, and a hundred other things that gave me a miraculously complication-free physiological birth.
Baby Josephine’s delivery, however, would be our only positive takeaway. At two weeks old, she was diagnosed with a rare chromosomal abnormality called Wolf-Hirschhorn syndrome. Lifelong seizures, mental retardation, and heart defects are a few of the many terrifying prognoses of the disorder. Sam and I were crushed. Although we were open to it, special needs parenting was not something for which we were prepared. Even while loving our girl, we grieved losing the family we expected to have. Those first few months were consumed by an extended NICU stay, a scary surgery, and an endless stream of appointments. Friends and family were kind, but could not properly sympathize with our pain. Alone and overwhelmed, Sam and I surrendered everything to Our Lord.
“Trust in Him and He will act (Ps 37:5)” – a bold promise, but it didn’t disappoint. Time passed and we started to see little miracles coming our way. Our marriage was strengthened, friendships were made, and prayers were answered – all in ways that would have been impossible without the diagnosis. Grief turned to gratitude as we realized the great blessing our daughter brought to our lives. Sweet and affectionate, wanting nothing more than cuddles and kisses, Josephine is impossible not to adore. Today she is a cheerful little girl with a heart full of love for everyone lucky enough to know her. It’s crazy to say this now, but Sam and I could not be happier as parents.
All this to say, whatever your pregnancy complication, I promise there is meaning behind the experience. I truly feel for you worried mothers and fathers – the pain that comes with parenting is second to none. Your birth plan might go awry or your child might not be who you envisioned, but please know that there is hope beyond the present moment.
P.S. If you ever need a friend, please do reach out. You and your family are in our continued prayers.
